What Not to Eat

Hypothesis: Consumption of 4 -dozen oysters, snack foods,and beer does not improve cycling performance.

Over the weekend of August 31, 2007 – September 3, 2007, test subject rode 34-mile course consisting of flat, paved road (total variation in altitude of less than 25 feet). Interspersed with rides, subject consumed 4 dozen oysters fried or baked, along with beer, fried potatoes, and approximately 1-dozen Diet Pepsi sodas.

Subject was found to be 1) reporting a “bloated” feeling and 2) ill-humored when questioned about cycling. Actual ride results from the three-rides attempted:

1) 34 miles, “easy” pedaling. Total elapsed time of 2 hours 15 mins, including 15-20 minutes adjusting a slipping saddle (two stops)
2) 18 miles, “consistent” pedaling. Total elapsed time of 1 hour, but subject reports “tired” feeling after consuming >24 oysters and an unknown quantity of beer. Subject also reports >1 hour of tossing a 3-year-old boy into the air while swimming has made him “sore.”
3) 0 miles. Ride not started. Subject has consumed an additional 24 oysters and unknown quantity of beer. Subject also reports consumption of 2 Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls, 20 Jalapeno-flavored Pringles chips, one-half pint Haagen-Daas Butter Pecan ice cream, and three large plates of spaghetti with meat sauce in the interim. On being questioned about cycling, subject responded that questioner should “kiss his ass” and that he would “ride later…maybe…or maybe tomorrow, since Monday is usually a rest day…”

Given the subject’s ride performance and declining attitude toward cycling over the test period, it’s a fair bet that the subject’s diet was at least partially to blame. Although a larger test sample is necessary for a definitive conclusion, this researcher feels that, at least with this subject, the consumption of large quantities of oysters, snack foods, and beer is not conducive to a high level of cycling performance.